Last night we had a scheduled raid into Labs.  We only had 14 people so it was decided we would do AoAx2 working toward Deathtoll Access.

Our guild leader normally 2 boxes his Templar in MT group and his Dirge in dps group.  Last night I felt very humbled when he dropped his Templar moving me into MT group and he played his Dirge.  I took that as a complement and vote of confidence in my abilities as a healer.  I know it may seem silly because EQII is only a game after all, but I was nervous to make sure I didn’t disappoint. 

Well at the same time, one of the other fellows in guild was speaking to me in /tell and encouraging me to do more dps.  He said to me that some Templars can do up to 1K dps, but I should be doing around 300 dps.  Really up until now, my philosophy has been healers should heal and leave the dps to the dps classes.

Being the obliging sort of girl that I am, of course I tried something different, and indeed did hit around 300 dps in a few combats.  But I was not very comfortable with it.  I felt that my healing was not at it’s best and there was one encounter where Wazza died and maybe he should not have.  He did manage to pull a few adds too 🙂  but I wonder if I had been on my game whether I could have adjusted and kept him standing – after all that is my job right.  In addition, I was having trouble with managing my power which I normally have no problem with.

Now I am still not sure if it is because it is just unusual and I am not used to it, or if I am just plain uncomfortable with healers also doing dps instead of pure healing in raids.

Thankfully, I had a quick talk to Stargrace about her philosophy.  I very much respect her advice because she has been healing in raids since way before I even started playing the game.  Lets just say I was not surprised to find that once again we have similar thoughts on the matter 🙂

At this point then I had a bit of a revelation.  I may only have been grouping / raiding for a little over 2 months, but maybe I should really trust in my own instincts and not allow myself to be influenced by the advice of too many people.  I guess that people will always have different perspectives, but if I do my bit to keep the MT up while the dps classes do their thing, then my work is done.   In the virtual world as much as the real world you are never going to keep all of the people happy all of the time.  Although I may not have as much experience as my fellow guildmates in groups and raids, I should still have confidence in myself as a player and my girls’ contribution.

I have blushed in the last few days when various people have complemented Kil on her healing (so that tells me I don’t completely suck as a player), and I know myself how far she has come in just 2 short months even though she still has a long way to go.  I would like to think that I will always be thinking on how to improve and play her better, but I don’t ever want to feel that I am not enjoying playing my girl.

I am not sure exactly how many raids I have been on now – but if I went back through my blog I could count.  I estimate that it is somewhere around 15.  I still have a lot to learn and experience that is for sure, and I guess that there will always be lots of people wanting to give their sagely wisdom.  The trick is balancing all of that against the advice of those few folks whose advice I respect and trust.

As always – happy hunting everyone 🙂